Free Reads: Blank Slate Chapters 13-15

Chapter Thirteen

d

A few hours passed and as six o’clock approached, Adrianna began to worry about the bread. It was fully defrosted, but it hadn’t raised much. She read the directions again and decided to nudge the yeast along a bit by putting it in a warm oven. She slid it into the oven and as she turned it on, she made a mental note to turn the heat off again in a moment when it had warmed slightly. Then she pulled out the hamburger to brown and started a sauce pan for the marinara.

While she browned the hamburger, she began to heat the tomato sauce and added spices. She found out flavoring sauce was kind of fun as she threw in a little of this and a little of that. She minced up a few garlic cloves, cutting herself once in the process. When Aiden started crying, she rushed over and took care of him, then returned to find the hamburger burning.

She removed it from the heat and tried to remove just the top layer that wasn’t burnt yet and put it in a new pan to cook. Thankfully there had been more than enough originally. She told herself she would be more careful this time, turning the heat down so it wouldn’t burn again, and started a pot of water to boil for the spaghetti.

By the time she returned to the sauce, it had scorched slightly, but she poured what was still useable into a bowl. It was appreciably less than she had expected. Tears pricked at her eyes but she squeezed them back and added another can of tomato sauce to the mix. Setting that aside, she checked on the French bread, which smelled divine.

The bread hadn’t risen as much as she would have liked, but it still looked pretty good. With a sigh, she realized she had forgotten to turn off the heat after the oven warmed a little. It was too late to fix the problem now, so she reset the oven temperature and crossed her fingers. It might raise a bit more before the crust hardened.

She pulled a couple cans of green beans from the cupboard and plopped the contents into a bowl, then set it by the microwave to nuke when everyone arrived.

After chasing a diaper-less, poopy bummed Aiden around the living room, and getting him cleaned up, she remembered her spaghetti and pulled it from the heat. A glance at the clock told her the pasta had boiled about five minutes too long, but it still looked okay—she hoped it wouldn’t be too mushy. What difference would a few minutes make, anyway?

She set it aside, looking for the colander. The phone rang, distracting her from her search. When she finished speaking with a violinist whose name she recognized from her journal, Adrianna set the table—it was nearly seven already. Happy with the way the table looked with a small bouquet of flowers in the middle, she realized the spaghetti was still in the pot of water and she started looking through the cupboards again.

Finally she found the colander and placed it in the sink to drain the water off of the spaghetti. It didn’t look all that great now, though. The long pieces had broken up and they weren’t holding their shape as well as she had expected. She tried not to let herself get discouraged, but everything was piling up, looking worse and worse, and time drew closer for everyone to arrive.

The doorbell rang and she rushed to answer it, finding Gavin on the other side. “Hey, you’re early. Come in.”

Gavin flashed her an easy smile and shoved one hand in the front pocket of his jeans. The other hand held a manila file folder “I remember your cooking. I’ve been looking forward to eating dinner all afternoon.” He snatched up Aiden and tucked the toddler under his arm, making Aiden giggle. “I just spoke with Jake. Predictably, he’s going to be late. He’s doing a walk-through in Olathe and will be half an hour or so.”

The mention of her legendary cooking skills brought a sinking feeling to Adrianna’s stomach. Things were not going nearly as smoothly as she had expected. Wasn’t spaghetti supposed to be easy? “Well, don’t set your expectations too high,” she muttered. Tears threatened again and she blinked, taking a deep breath as she returned to the kitchen to check on the baking bread.

She opened the oven, bit her bottom lip, and smiled in relief. The loaf was nice and shiny, beautifully browned, if a bit smaller than she planned on. She slid her hand into an oven mitt and took out the tray, wondering why it was so shiny. Was that normal? Most of the bread she saw in stores wasn’t like that. Maybe it lost the shine as it cooled?

“Wow! That looks gorgeous, did you make that from scratch?” Gavin leaned closer for a better look.

“Wish I could say I did, but no, it was frozen dough. Easy enough for a child to make.” She flashed a grin at him and their eyes caught for just a moment before she hurriedly looked away.

She had set out a cooling rack for the bread but as she tipped the cookie sheet to the side to slide it off, it only moved about half an inch before it stopped. A terrible realization hit her and with a bang, she put the cookie sheet on the cooling rack she had set out. “I can’t believe it. Of course it’s shiny!” She wanted to growl and say nasty things at her ineptitude. She gritted her teeth and kept all of the comments to herself, though.

“What’s wrong?” Gavin asked. He looked more closely at the bread and his brow furrowed. His nostrils flared slightly and she could tell he was smelling something in the air. Probably the burnt food in the pans. Or maybe the scent of melted plastic.

Hoping she was wrong, Adrianna grabbed a knife and poked at the base of the bread on the cookie sheet and the plastic wrap she had left on it to keep it from drying out puckered and pulled away just slightly. “Perfect, that’s just perfect. Right after I mention that a child could make this bread I prove that I’m not as smart as an eight-year-old. I didn’t uncover the bread before I put it in the oven.”

She glanced over in time to see Gavin push the spaghetti around in the colander with a spoon. It started to disintegrate.

This time when the tears came into her eyes, they spilled onto her cheeks and more rushed to take their places. She tossed the knife into the sink and covered her face with her hands. Did she seriously have to make such a mess of dinner in front of him? Wasn’t it bad enough she had wasted all of the food without bringing him into it? Wasn’t she good at anything anymore?

“Hey, none of that. No crying when I’m around.” Gavin’s voice came out anxious and his hand settled nervously on her shoulder. “There’s nothing here worth crying over. It’s totally fixable.”

“I had these beautiful plans.” Adrianna grabbed a paper towel from the dispenser beside her and wiped at her face. “I had this vision of a beautiful dinner with crisp French bread and a pretty Jell-O mold.” She sobbed, trying to calm down, but not making much headway. “Well, there’s still Jell-O, and the green beans just need to be nuked. That will be fabulous—green beans and Jell-O—totally gourmet, don’t you think? Why isn’t anything going right? I can’t do anything I used to. I’m surprised I can even walk without tripping over my own feet considering how pathetic I am at everything else.”

She felt his arm come around her shoulders, pulling her close with Aiden sandwiched between them. “It’s okay, you’re just a bit out of sorts right now.” His hand slid down her hair and settled at her shoulder with his thumb and forefinger still on her neck. He rubbed his thumb along the sensitive skin of her nape a couple of times before jolting, as if realizing what he’d been doing, and moving away. “Here, take the kid and I’ll see what we can do about fixing this.” He shoved Aiden into her arms, almost like a defense mechanism.

She took a deep, shuddering breath. “I’ve ruined everything.”

“We’ll start over.” He dumped the noodles into the garbage and refilled the sauce pan, setting it on the stove top, and turning on the heating element below it. “Let’s see what we’ve got here.” He poked through the cupboard where the pasta was and grabbed a bag of spirals. He dug into the fridge and pulled out some broccoli, cauliflower and carrots, then set Adrianna to washing and chopping them while he started a second pan heating on the stove with a steamer tray in it.

Then he melted some butter in a third sauce pan and began whisking in flour, then milk.

A delicious smell filled the air again and Adrianna threw out all of the scorched, burned, and plastic-coated food she had cooked, then scrubbed the pans while Aiden played at their feet.

“Thanks,” she said when they had settled into a comfortable rhythm. She sniffled one last time. “Where did you learn to cook?”

“My mom insisted all of her kids learn to cook—even the boys. It’s come in handy when I just couldn’t face another fast food meal.” Seemingly at random he added salt, pepper and other spices, threw in a couple handfuls of shredded cheddar and some parmesan from a can while the pasta boiled in the first pot. “Most of the time I eat out or just sit down to cereal or a sandwich, but I enjoy cooking sometimes. When I have someone to cook for, anyway.”

His smile warmed her, and she felt a small flutter in her chest. “Do you suppose cooking is like playing the piano?”

“And not automatic to remember like riding a bike, you mean?”

She chuckled, and leaned back against the counter, picking up a baby carrot and biting it in half. “Exactly. It seemed like it should be easy enough, but I kept getting distracted and had the heat up too high. It didn’t seem all that high when I started out.”

“I have a great beginner’s book that teaches the basics of how to cook and prepare food, if you’d like to borrow it—as a refresher, of course.”

“I think I’d like that.” She peeked into the fridge and gave her Jell-O a wiggle and smiled when it looked firm. “I’m embarrassed that you saw this whole mess. Your food seems to be turning out fine.”

He shrugged, looking back at the pan where he stirred the cheese sauce. “It’ll be edible, anyway.”

The garage door opened and Megan rushed in. “Sorry I’m late. There was an accident and it took me a while to get around it.” She looked around. “Gavin, what are you doing?”

“Just assisting Adrianna with dinner, Aiden ended up being a handful this afternoon. Jake should be here any time. He’s running behind.”

“As always.” Megan’s voice came out in a light grumble. “I’ll put my stuff away.”

Adrianna pulled the Jell-O from the fridge and after dipping it in an inch or so of warm water in the bottom of the sink, inverted the gelatin onto a platter. “Look at that—isn’t it pretty?” she asked Gavin, pleased something she did that night had turned out right.

“Very nice.” He smiled at her over his shoulder, then added the pasta, veggies and sauce into a single serving bowl.

“So is yours. Very pretty. It has great colors.”

Megan came back and oohed and ahhed over the pilgrim gelatin. “I haven’t done a Jell-O mold in ages. I should think about it more often.”

Adrianna picked it up and moved it to the table, noticing a small tear in the gelatin as she set it down. A moment later the small tear became a bigger one, and then it sent out a web of spider cracks across the shape, falling into pieces on the platter.

Adrianna let out a low groan. Megan rushed over and looked at it. “What happened?”

“It just fell apart. Why did it do that?” Adrianna asked, her voice almost a wail.

“Did you make it with less water, like the jiggler recipe on the box?” Megan asked.

“Was I supposed to?” Adrianna asked.

“What’s it supposed to be?’ Gavin walked over and set the bowl of pasta and veggies on the table beside them, then started to laugh.

Adrianna was tempted to hit him for just a moment, then joined him. Everything she had made that night had gone wrong, but somehow it didn’t matter so much anymore. His laughter was contagious, making the whole mess actually seem kind of funny.

Megan started to giggle too when the door opened and Jake appeared behind them. “Sorry I’m late. I tried to get here earlier.” He looked at them and his brow furrowed. “What’s going on?”

Adrianna laughed again and leaned against Gavin for just a moment. His hand touched the small of her back, and his cologne surrounded her, melding with the scents of the food he had prepared. She turned to look up into his face, then realized who it was. He must have had the same realization, because they both pulled back at the same time and she hurried to the cupboard. “I guess I ought to get out some bowls for the Jell-O. At least it should still taste good.”

She heard Gavin chuckle again and smiled to herself.

Chapter Fourteen

d

The phone rang in Adrianna’s ear and Brock’s voice mail came on again. Frustrated, she clicked the end button on her cell phone and tossed it onto the sofa. “Why is it everyone in the world seems to be able to dial my number—daily—but my fiancé is apparently incapable of either answering the phone or returning a call?”

“I’m sorry he’s being such an idiot,” Megan said as she stuffed a teddy bear into the diaper bag, then stood fluidly from her crouch despite the three-inch heels she wore.

Adrianna spent most of each day taking things easy as she recovered from the accident, and now felt much stronger than she had. Her ribs still hurt when she twisted or lifted too much, but even that pain was growing less common. Aiden was alternately angel and stinker, but that instant love she’d felt for him on their first meeting had only grown. She wouldn’t call herself a natural with kids, but she was learning the toddler’s ways and enjoyed watching him. It made her want kids of her own.

Somehow she didn’t see Brock thrilling at the idea of becoming a dad anytime soon. Not that Brock’s interest in fatherhood was likely to impact things in that department in the near future. Adrianna couldn’t see the two of them working anything out at this point. Not if he thought refusing to contact her for nearly two weeks was acceptable.

She turned her attention away from her man troubles. Preparing for church was nerve-racking enough. “Are you sure I look all right?” she asked Megan as she checked the pearl earrings. “It’s not like my face is quite back to normal.” She ran her fingers over the pink scar lines. The swelling was gone and the scars weren’t quite as bright as before, so the masking makeup she had put on nearly made them invisible—from a distance, anyway. She pressed her lips together, checking her lipstick for flaws. “And there’s my hair. It’s like I lost half of myself.”

Megan brushed the ends of Adrianna’s short crop with her fingertips. “It’ll be fine. Is that really what’s bothering you?”

Adrianna sighed. “It’s one of the things, but mostly I’m worried I’ll feel strange knowing everyone expects me to play the piano when I’m not going to today.”

“Don’t worry about it. Everyone will understand, and you look beautiful. Settle down.” Since Jake had gone to church early to help set up, Megan handed Adrianna a bag with her scriptures and the diaper bag. She hefted Aiden before leading the way to the garage.

Smiles, greetings, and good wishes assaulted Adrianna at every turn after they walked in the door. Or at least it seemed that way. She was sure she was only approached by a small percentage of the congregation, but it felt like a lot. She’d expected the curiosity, the eyes that turned to her so often, the feeling of being under a microscope despite the fact that most people were really more worried about keeping their children in line than they were in keeping tabs on her.

Her singing was awful, she knew, and she wondered when the gorgeous soprano voice everyone talked about would reappear. Had the accident damaged it permanently? Her throat didn’t hurt anymore. Deciding not to worry about it for now, she focused on the music in front of her. And when she remembered the chorus of the closing hymn, she smiled to herself, knowing the answers to her questions were just around the corner.

d

It was nearly two full weeks after Brock stormed from the house before Adrianna saw him again. She opened the front door to find him standing on the porch in a crisp stone-colored suit. “Brock.” She stared at him in surprise for a moment. Her manners kicked in and she moved back, waving him into the house. “Come in.”

He studied her before moving into the room. “Hello, Adie.” That was all he said until he crossed the family room and settled into a chair. When they were seated, he looked her in the eye. “I’m sorry I haven’t returned your phone calls. I needed a little time to figure things out.”

“You certainly took it.” It was the least caustic thing she could bring herself to say. Regardless of the fact she didn’t love him, it still hurt when he refused to speak to her.

“Yes, well, I’m not proud of that, but it’s what I needed. I’m sorry.” He leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. He stared at his clasped hands, not looking in her direction at all. “I think maybe I’m expecting too much, too quickly.”

“Perhaps, but you have a right to be frustrated.” She tried to remind herself of everything he had done for her since the accident, and the sweet things from their past that she had detailed in her journals.

“Don’t try to be understanding, it’s only going to make it harder.” He fidgeted for a moment, then took a long breath. “Being without you is like having part of me go missing. And frankly, being with you since the accident is about the same.” He looked her in the eye, his expression unreadable. His intonation was carefully neutral, but his words placed the blame well enough.

“I wish I had a solution. If I could simply remember everything, you know I’d jump at the chance.” She felt herself getting defensive. He wasn’t the only one hurt and confused.

“I know you would, but after being away from you for a while, I’ve realized perhaps we should cool things, at least until you get your memory back. It’s only adding stress to both of us, pretending to carry on our relationship—because pretense is all it’s been lately—when it’s obvious you don’t feel it.”

“Ah, so you flew out here to break up with me.” Adrianna nodded, fighting to keep her face impassive, though she felt the pain of rejection. “What an amazing man you are, going out of your way to break things off with the recovering amnesiac in person after ignoring her for two weeks. Thank you.” She stood and began walking toward the front door to see him out.

“Adie, come on.” His footsteps rang on the tiles as he strode after her. “It’s not like I haven’t tried to make things work with you. I have. I’ve spent tons of time and made multiple trips back here to be with you since the accident. I don’t want to completely break things off, just take a step back until you get your footing.”

“Sure you do. We step back and then in a few weeks it’ll seem perfectly normal for us to make a clean break.” She desperately didn’t want to go through this all over again in a few weeks. It had been uncomfortable enough to do once. “Why don’t you do us both a favor and make a clean break. I’ve been your sick and hanging appendage long enough.” She couldn’t keep the bitterness out of her voice.

“This is not all my fault. You refuse to even kiss me!”

She froze with her hand on the door knob. It wasn’t like she could dispute his words; they were true enough. She took a deep breath and pushed down the anger clouding her judgment. Didn’t she owe him a full chance? Didn’t she owe it to herself? When she spoke again, her voice was calm. “All of this over a kiss?”

His voice was part pleading, part surrender. “No, but you’ve completely shut me out, like you won’t even try.” He placed a hand just above her elbow. “Put yourself in my position. For the past several weeks, after all I’ve done to try and rekindle our romance, you won’t even attempt to meet me halfway.”

When she looked at it from his point of view, she didn’t like herself very much. Tears rose, and she fought to keep them under control. He wasn’t asking so much, was he? She turned and faced him, looking him in the eye. “You’re right about that. Perhaps that was a mistake. Maybe if I did . . .” Adrianna didn’t finish the sentence, letting her expression do the work. When his eyes widened, she knew he understood her.

She saw him wet his lips as he studied her face again. “I should have mentioned when you let me in. You look great. In a few weeks, you’ll be good as new.” As he said this, he trailed fingers lightly over her cheeks, his touch barely more than a whisper against her skin. He unerringly found her scars.

With the way he looked at her as he leaned in, she thought her heart rate should have been soaring. She found herself impatient instead as she waited for him to kiss her. After his lips feathered against hers, she nearly pulled back, but he drew her closer for another lingering kiss. It was nice, she thought as his lips pressed to hers. His mouth was warm and soft, his technique seemed fine, but she was unmoved. She pressed into it even more, but still felt nothing her journals had described. Where was the giddy excitement she had detailed mere months before?

He moved away after a moment and frowned at her. “That wasn’t what I expected.”

Part of her cried out in pain. If only she could feel something special for this man, remember, and move back into her old life. Was that really so much to ask?

It couldn’t be helped, though. She felt nothing significant, and that didn’t look like it was about to change. “No. It looks like you were right to step back after all.”

He let out a low breath and closed his eyes for a long moment. “I want to stay in touch, but I have other responsibilities and can’t be here as much as I have since the accident.”

“And I’ve become a burden. I’m sorry.” The seconds ticked past as she reined in the emotions that threatened to pour out of her before she turned the door knob. She still felt so lost and wished she could slip back into the life everyone else remembered she’d had. She saw the pain in his face and wished once again that things could have worked between them. “I’ll let you know when I have any breakthroughs.”

He touched her arm. “I hope you’ll come see our Christmas concert next month. It’s always been one of your favorites.”

“I’ll see what I can do.” Adrianna opened the door wide, then looked Brock in the face. “I do appreciate you taking the time to talk to me in person.”

Brock kept his eyes on hers as he buttoned his coat. “I do love you, Adie, more than you could know.”

“Yeah.” She remembered the ring on her left hand and slid it off, handing it out to Brock. Men wildly in love are always dumping a fiancée because she can’t remember their relationship. “Stay in touch.”

He hesitated for several seconds, then slowly reached out and took the ring from her. He looked at it for a long moment, then at her before turning and walking back to his car. He didn’t turn away quite soon enough to keep her from seeing the tear drip onto his cheek.

She watched him stride down the sidewalk toward his luxury rental car, and knew it was the last she would see of him for a long, long time. Possibly forever. Her own tears escaping, she swallowed back a lump of what might have been and shut the door.

Adrianna turned to see Megan standing in the hall. She froze for a moment, then decided there was no point in pretense. “Heard that, did you?”

“Just the last words. He didn’t stay long.” She lifted a brow in punctuation.

“I don’t expect we’ll see much of him from now on.”

“I’m sorry, Adie.”

A moment later, Adrianna found herself wrapped in her sister-in-law’s arms. She didn’t know what she would have done without this sweet woman to offer comfort and support, but she was glad she wouldn’t have to find out.

d

The next evening Adrianna decided to try cooking again since Megan was staying late at school to work on a project. As she and Jake sat down to scalded tomato soup and charred grilled cheese sandwiches, she held back a grimace. She really was helpless in the kitchen.

“How was work today?” she asked.

“It’s just one thing after another piling up. I don’t know if we’re ever going to dig out without a receptionist. I should go back to the office tonight to see what I can sort out, but I’m just too tired.” A yawn punctuated his words.

“Have you thought about hiring a temp?” she asked.

“We probably ought to, but I don’t want to spend time training someone who isn’t going to be around for more than a few days.”

Adrianna nodded in understanding.

A long moment of silence stretched between them before Jake broke it. “Megan told me about your . . . discussion with Bock yesterday. I’m sorry things didn’t work out between you.”

“Are you? You made it clear you didn’t think he was good enough.” Adrianna kept her voice as light as possible, not wanting to sound bitter.

“He isn’t. But, you love him, and he’s always treated you well and made you happy. I’m sorry he hurt you.” He shot a look at her. “You’ve always been there for me. I want to see you with someone who can be everything you deserve, but I don’t like to see you upset.”

Adrianna smiled faintly. “Surprisingly, the breakup wasn’t as bad as I expected.” She covered his hand with hers and gave it a squeeze. “Don’t worry. I’ll be fine.”